Your Number’s Not Up
An inspired piece written by Anna Marie Slayton.
I see you in this moment, where you feel like you are the only person sitting where you are sitting. Where you feel that there is nobody else around. I know it seems as if you are walking in the darkest valley that exists. The blackness and the emptiness you feel as you look to the night sky, trying to find an answer, I see it. I know that you feel more alone now, than you ever have in your life.
Perhaps you are choosing self-destructive behaviors to numb the pain. I know you can’t help but think if these influences are streaming in, whether body or mind, you might actually get through this. It isn’t true. I know that feeling anything other than what this is right now seems to be answer. The answer to the why, how, what was, could have been, or was supposed to be.
This is the worst. This is unfathomable. This is completely, utterly, unreal. Right now, you feel like the madness, the chaos, the last days of your life, you have been standing in someone else’s shoes. Your life currently feels like a foreign film, some horrible, tragic, completely fiction movie. I know right now you are cursing the day of your birth, you feel like checking out, even ending your own life might bring the peace and rest you feel you need.
There is so much more than just this moment right now. This life is temporary, and you will not be here for eternity. Where your child is, is where I have called them to be, right by my side. All the messages flashing across your devices, allow them to pass in love. As beautiful as your child is, it’s no wonder that so many are reaching out, grieving alongside you! Let go of the guilt of others having pain.
These loved ones, whether they are big or small, here or not, are absolutely depending on you still waking up tomorrow. You must live as the parent that they need you to be, those here and gone. Your child is an arrow in your hands as you will rise as a warrior.
As MUCH as your entire body is dying to feel the reason why you are called ‘mom’ or ‘dad’, I have a few other names for you.
Despite what has happened, you are still the full, confident, dedicated, flourishing, strong, giving, fearless, dignified, beautiful, and WORTHY child of God that I created you as! No matter what anyone else says, how they treat you, or what they call you, you are what I have named you. Hold on to that truth.
You are loved! Before YOU were even shaped in your own mother’s womb, I knew all about you. I have HOLY plans for you.
You will breathe. You will lift up your eyes and see the majesty I have created for you. From the moon and stars, mountains and hills, the depths of the ocean; You are still breathing so that you may experience this Earth just as it is in Heaven.
Life was not meant to be behind this cloud of chaos, anxiety, depression, or stress. It is meant to be lived abundantly.
Let me explain…
I have stood where you are. I longed for there to be another way, but because of this fallen world of sin, my very own son, died, hung on a cross, his hands and feet pouring out blood, bearing all of your pain.
So that you, my child, you full, confident, dedicated, flourishing, strong, giving, fearless, dignified, beautiful, and worthy one, wouldn’t have to live forever in this existence you are currently in. The sin of this world has been TRIUMPHED through the death of my son.
YOU are meant for a new creation. A new reality. A complete, new identity. Forget your former ways and do not try to dwell on the what was, should have been, or was supposed to be. I have given you a new way! Get out of this past you were in before, and experience this new life as it was created to be!
You are going to be okay.
You really will be able to get of bed with energy, even if you don’t understand that now.
I know you are weary, tired, and over-burdened, but walk with me and I will give you rest. It may look a lot different than before, but keep company with me and you will live freely and light.
You will soar on wings like eagles. I won’t let you fall.
The nights of crying as you try to sleep or hide will disappear, and when you rise you will have days of laughter.
I promise, through the cross, you will see your child again.
On that day, I will wipe every tear from your eyes. There will be no more death, mourning, crying, or pain.
You truly can be reasonably happy in this life, because you will be supremely happy, forever, in the next.
But today, your number’s not up.